I just woke up. My breath is so narsty that the hardwood floor just warped. It's so narsty that the cat appologized for all the times I woke up to feline gastric issues. My toothbrush melted as I was preparing to brush my teeth.... Okay there, I got it out of my system. Now on to my journal entry.

Yesterday I decided to "treat" myself to everyone's favorite white trash snack ... Hot Pocket. I don't own a microwave so I used the oven. Which makes me buying a box of Hot Pockets officially a STUPID PURCHASE for me to have made. (they take a half hour to cook in the oven) Well this is my fault. I bought em. I already knew better.. They were on sale and I wanted to show that while they sound disgusting, they aren't that bad... because they aren't. It's just a stupid purchase to have made when neither my friend or I own a microwave. I'll have my popcorn with real butter and bacon salt, than you very much.
So yesterday the two of us are on the phone talking. She's cooking hers and I'm all "You aren't officially an American untill you eat a Hot Pocket, it's like a rite of passage, that and Ramen Noodles." Now I know the rules of a Hot Pocket. (middle cold.. corners HOT... so I gingerly bite to make sure I'm not going to melt my teeth. So far so good. Second bite. OH NO! TO HOT! I recoil but as I do the cheese or sauce or something erupts from the pastry and splatters on my chin. I do one of those silent screams. I run to the bathroom and well long story short, I have a burn on it. Not a red spot. A burn.. skin not there, physical indent burn. One of those ïf I was a pussy and this was McDonalds I'd be filing a suit" burns. As in a Ï wish I had a cool story to go with how i got this scar on my chin, but let it be known.. Hot Pocket.. and I don't even own a microwave"
SO I get to work and Nev's all checking out wound and commenting that at least it'll look like an interesting scar.. sorta badaas.. right on the jaw line. I notice she's not talking all that much. Turns out she scalded the inside of her mouth. Hot Pockets. Punishment for when home cooks decide to be lazy.
But the story isn't over yet! Oh no!
So after work I go to CVS. I should get some anti-scar and burn stuff. . While there I decide to pick up some new shampoo. The Expensive nice Smelling Stuff is on Sale. SO I'm trying to decide between Cocconut Milk and Shea Butter Shampoo. I open up the cocconut one to smell it. I can't smell it... so i give the bottle a squeeze. It explodes shampoo all over my face, shirt and you guessed it. right onto the burn. Oh yes children.. at 8am at CVS there was screams of pain from the shampoo issle of CVS. Interesting fun fact. Shea butter helps with scars. Unfortantly, that's not the shampoo I was covered in at that moment.
Serriously though. Everything is cool and it's a funny story. Le burn is already healing nicely.